A very ordinary day at the shop. I need a bigger shop but cannot afford the bond at this time. We are struggling like hell financially speaking, but we have for the past 25yrs. My aim to set this shop up was to earn enough to make a wage and be self sufficient. We opened the doors 6 months ago. They say the first few years of a business is the hardest, no shit. Again, I have to be god dependant and rely on his judgements on whether I am to continue or not. They physical store has really taken a lot out of my healthwise. That is why I am hoping the on line business will take off.
Both hubby and son are not well so I hand them over to my higher power. I was reading a blog on what people thought was their understanding of god. Some referred to their scriptures of specific faiths. Myself I am not into religion, but a universal force that promotes my health, growth and well being. I was attending a support group for alcoholics for many years but have chosen not to go anymore. I found that there were some seriously dodgy people in them. Furthermore, I felt that I was getting nothing out of them and needed to continue to grow. I had in a sense out grown many of them. There were a lot of negative thoughts which I could do without. Also there were many many guilt trips if you didn't do this or that. I know it sounds selfish of me but my survival is of paramount here. I am really tired at the moment so I think I will leave it there for now.
cheers
Tuesday 29 March 2011
Monday 28 March 2011
A journey of trial and tribulation
This blog has been created to log my journey since I got sober over 22yrs ago. There have been many trials and tribulations that have in the past caused me to over-react, anger quickly and retaliate with disasterous results. I have since learnt that this is my issue and nobody else's and the only person I hurt when I react these ways is me. At 20yrs sobriety I had felt this angst and discontentment with my life. I felt that I had been disappointed with what life had dished out to me and I carried this around for years. I had booked myself into counselling with a good therapist, and I soon realised that given my background, it was a bloody miracle that I had managed to survive the way I did. I was put on anti-depressants for anxiety, depression and panic. I have always been reluctant to do this because my mother was a pill addict and I didn't want to end up like her. Furthermore, there seemed to be this stigma of the middle aged housewife who took mother's little helpers to cope with life. Once I started them I could not believe the transformation that happened within me and those 20yrs suffering in sobriety was unnecessary.
Another issue that I also have been struggling with is what to do with my life. I had done many things and never finished them. I did go back and get my education, and I also faced my fear and got my driver's license when I was 36yrs old. Here I was at 45yrs unable to get employment and having no idea what to do. So I stepped out and set myself up in a shop dealing in new + used clothing. I don't know whether this is the path god wanted me to take, but I simply have to trust the process even in the bad times.
I never understood these people who stand there and say that they will have a child at this time in their lives, or their careers are to be at a certain point by the time they are 30. Life can dish out some pretty crappy stuff including infertility ( a horror experience after having my first child), health problems ( still continuing since the horror event at childbirth), economic downturn ( been there several times), alcoholism (what can I say), and the harsh judgements that society offers when going through these times. Pride does some pretty strange things to people, and it is very hard to feel that you are a worthy part of the community when all this crap has happened to you. I guess my aim with the shop was to help those who are struggling financially to afford good clothing. I heard today a quote:- TO LIVE IS TO GIVE. Yes I want to be financially independant there is nothing wrong with that. I just have to remeber the quote I heard today.
thats me for now.
Another issue that I also have been struggling with is what to do with my life. I had done many things and never finished them. I did go back and get my education, and I also faced my fear and got my driver's license when I was 36yrs old. Here I was at 45yrs unable to get employment and having no idea what to do. So I stepped out and set myself up in a shop dealing in new + used clothing. I don't know whether this is the path god wanted me to take, but I simply have to trust the process even in the bad times.
I never understood these people who stand there and say that they will have a child at this time in their lives, or their careers are to be at a certain point by the time they are 30. Life can dish out some pretty crappy stuff including infertility ( a horror experience after having my first child), health problems ( still continuing since the horror event at childbirth), economic downturn ( been there several times), alcoholism (what can I say), and the harsh judgements that society offers when going through these times. Pride does some pretty strange things to people, and it is very hard to feel that you are a worthy part of the community when all this crap has happened to you. I guess my aim with the shop was to help those who are struggling financially to afford good clothing. I heard today a quote:- TO LIVE IS TO GIVE. Yes I want to be financially independant there is nothing wrong with that. I just have to remeber the quote I heard today.
thats me for now.
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